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 Forum index » Miscellaneous Forums » Fan Fiction
The life of a G.I.
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hotrods20
Commander


Joined: 27 Jul 2009
Location: Slothy HQ

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 2:55 am    Post subject:  The life of a G.I. Reply with quote

It was a very brisk morning as I stepped out of my barracks. I could see the drill teams training for the war. I then was greeted by my commander Von Halowitz. "Hello sir" I said very happily. "Good morning private" He said very seriously. I asked him what was wrong with a very upset tone. He said very unhappily "Where going to war, private".

It was a very dark day indeed. We where on are way to a man slaughter against the Russians. I was approached by my fellow solider McHalberd. He said with a bit cheery tone "We finally get to see some action". I said very unhappily "If we die think about your family and friends".

As we approach the beach in are Amphibious hover craft some sniper fire hits several people. I was almost one of the unlucky ones. I started firing my gun at the Russian trenches. After an hour of fighting a man came up to me and told me I was given veteran status. I accepted my new status with a glee.

As we approach the end of our journey to the heart of Russia we encounter a Russian elite squad. I hear them yell out "нападение" very loudly. After a hour long battle with this elite squad of Russians I was approached again with news of being promoted to Elite.

It was the final battle as my commander said. We where on our final offense on the Russian capital. Me and my men approach the Capital of Russia once and for all. Heavy Sniper Fire was hitting us all at once. I was hit in each limb except my head. In the final minute of life I saw my commander, Hotrods20 the man who led us to this great battle on the front line of Russia.

нападение means attack.

So how you people like want more to story or new story.
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gufu
Defense Minister


Joined: 22 Dec 2004
Location: Tiberium Research Center N27

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's not a story. That's an outline, which is clustered together, and barely makes up a paragraph. Now, write an actual story.
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hotrods20
Commander


Joined: 27 Jul 2009
Location: Slothy HQ

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay how about "The little fairy dragon that only appears when I sniff this white stuff"
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Gangster
Commander


Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Location: Moscow, Russia

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hotrog20 wrote:
I hear them yell out "нападение"very loudly.


ROFL. oh c'mon!
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hotrods20
Commander


Joined: 27 Jul 2009
Location: Slothy HQ

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ENGLISH:
What do you mean i see no problem with that.

RUSSIAN:
Что ты имеешь в виду я не вижу никаких проблем с этим.

GERMAN:
Was meinst du ich sehe kein Problem damit.

PORTUGUESE
O que quer dizer que eu não vejo nenhum problema com isso.
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EVA-251
General


Joined: 20 Feb 2005
Location: Somewhere in Michigan, I suppose.

PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2010 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hotrods20 wrote:
ENGLISH:
What do you mean i see no problem with that.

First, translator programs don't carry over context. I'm pretty sure that's what's going on here.

Second, I'm pretty sure you used a translator for that. And if you did, put the phrases back into the translator and see how they come out. (or let native speakers enjoy reading them...)

I won't get into an analysis of your story, as it would be longer than what you typed.
I'll just say that:
1- There is no "Veteran" or "Elite" rank. If you want to blindly follow Red Alert 2's veterancy symbols, you'd say Private (E-2...?) and Sergeant.
2- Including yourself as the glorious leader, using your username = goofy.
3- Almost no dialogue, all of it is childish.
4- Capital of Russia? Why not mention it by name?
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Former Project Lead Developer Star Strike (2005-2012), Z-Mod (2006-2007), RA1.5 (2008-2013), The Cold War (2006-2007)

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Gangster
Commander


Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Location: Moscow, Russia

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 5:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"атака" is your word. or "В Атаку!" if it is a warcry, or better use "В Бой!" because it even more shorter to yell.
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AltomareXD
General


Joined: 22 May 2008

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Should have used Enak.

...

ENAK LOL!
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Deformat
Defense Minister


Joined: 17 Sep 2007
Location: Bucharest,Romania Posts:29240348568

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Eva:No one knows the capital of Russia.Its top secret,you know.
@Altomare:So true,yet so sad.
@the guy who wrote this:Learn from Eva.

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hotrods20
Commander


Joined: 27 Jul 2009
Location: Slothy HQ

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I learned that ill never make it as a writer if only a draft of a story that I was trying to get some more ideas rolling from was forever more banished here I will write a new one called ENAK.

Once upon a time in crazysweatyball land. A man named Enak wo had a stinky poo in his shoo. Said to a man with a wittle pittle in his pant's "Oh me oh me." The man with a wittle pittle in his pants asked whats wrong very happily "What is wrong oh Enak oh Enak." As Enak answered with a very very sad frown "I don't have any credits and I need to wet it." and you all can end this however you want.
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Volgin
Commander


Joined: 07 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...

What the fu ck? Oh my God, its like sevelys was a writer.
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DaFool
Defense Minister


Joined: 07 Nov 2006

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I won't get into an analysis of your story, as it would be longer than what you typed."

ROFL. You really need to churn out details. An entire battle in two sentences? being granted status? Thats paper work IRL, and also, this guy knows russian?
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hotrods20
Commander


Joined: 27 Jul 2009
Location: Slothy HQ

PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Google translate is a win win situation. if you don't know what google is go here to find out http://lmgtfy.com/?q=+What+is+Google
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http://slothygaming.com/

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AltomareXD
General


Joined: 22 May 2008

PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So that's Google. Too bad it can't fix your story.
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gufu
Defense Minister


Joined: 22 Dec 2004
Location: Tiberium Research Center N27

PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AltomareXD wrote:
So that's Google. Too bad it can't fix your story.

There is no story made, to be fixed.
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AltomareXD
General


Joined: 22 May 2008

PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Touche.
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Eldrei
Missile Trooper


Joined: 11 Mar 2010
Location: Fixin' in mah PPM.

PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hotrods20 wrote:
Google translate is a win win situation. if you don't know what google is go here to find out http://lmgtfy.com/?q=+What+is+Google

Thanks dude. I would have never known what it is. Rolling Eyes

Jackass.
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