Short Story
Category: Insane
Author: Tapek

Colonel Mustard and the Cutlery of the Fourth Dimension.

It all started one Summer's evening, when the fruit was at its ripest. One of the pears was complaining about the heat when when it quietened suddenly as someone burst through the roof.
"Ahoy there, Cap'n Mustard!" saluted the pear.
"How many times must I tell you? It's COLONEL Mustard!" boomed the Colonel. "Now, have you seen my spoon?"
"Your spoon, Colonel Mustard?" gasped the Pear, bewildered.
"YES, my spoon! I'm sure I left it here!" shouted the angry Colonel as plaster from his prior entrance clattered from above.
"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU MEAN THIS SPOON?"

The colonel whirled around and gasped to see his arch nemesis holding his spoon; INSPECTOR ABE OF THE ASTRONOMICAL PAPER AND THERMONUCLEAR WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION CO!
The Inspector laughed and teleported away as the outraged colonel made a move to retrieve his spoon.
"CONFOUND IT!" roared the Colonel.

The next day he found his forks, knives, and other assorted cutlery missing. No doubt the latest diabolical scheme of his arch nemesis, Inspector Abe! The colonel grabbed his Inteplanatery Communication Diode and rocketed off to Venus to conference with his Biochemical Trampoline.

Colonel Mustard rammed the insanity meter to its maximum setting, and instantly a shade of green was frolicking near the noonsday peak. Although moustaches are frequently grown in the tropics, the colonel juggled the dancing musicians until they pleaded for hairy incongruity. And, through the sheer illogicallity and imcomprehensibility of it all, a portal to the fourth dimension was opened and out came a shoe, a pirate's hat, a cutlass, and some cutlery.

Colonel Mustard arrived home and placed the Cutlery from the Fourth Dimension on his table, and then hid in the broom closet. At four O'clock on the dot, his arch nemesis (Inspector Abe) tip toed in and stole the cutlery, giggling to himself.

He thinks he's won, the knave, thought Colonel Mustard. But little does HE know...
he just stole the cutlery from the fourth dimension!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

The End...?