Joined: 18 Feb 2005 Location: Star Kingdom of Manticore
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:21 am Post subject:
Just In Time (poem/song)
Well, I wrote something tonight. You'll find a description below it explaining what happened.
I wrote:
I gotta few things to say about this
Right after I saw your lips touch his.
Inside i screamed. But on the outside I stared.
You made me a promise. You told me you cared.
Well baby guess what. You just tore my heart.
It's obvious you didn't give a damn from the start.
I ran off, scared I'd hurt somebody like never before.
When I got home, I just opened that closet door.
I pulled down what i needed and put it together.
I felt like it was time to just end this pain forever.
I grabbed me a drink and just lie on the bed, tears in my eyes.
Then I heard a car pull up, Man was that a surprise.
She came inside and gave me a stern glance
She took that rifle and bottle out of my hands
Sat down next to me and I asked "where you been?"
Kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you, best friend."
Tonight my best friend saved my life and she wasn't annoyed.
She's the only one who knows just how bad my soul's destroyed.
My "friends" weren't friends, they showed their true colors
I gave up on all my fake blood sisters and fake blood brothers.
Cause baby tonight you hurt me on the inside and out.
Tore me apart, took the breath right out of my mouth.
I fell to my knees outside that rodeo bar.
Yelled at the world, and even kicked my pretty car.
I turned the key and she started right on up.
I said then and there that it's time i get unstuck.
On my way home I planned on putting it to an end
I didn't even think about what it would do to my best friend.
But she just came inside and gave me a stern glance
She took that rifle and bottle out of my hands
Sat down next to me and I asked "where you been?"
Kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you, best friend."
Baby I know your mind games now, you played with my heart
It won't bother me any more because it was a lie from the start.
I've pushed beyond the limits my poor soul could take
But trusting you was one of my biggest mistakes
I've seen love, I've seen war, and none of them pretty.
Fact is, baby, that my life is just plain shitty.
I lost a good friend in the war, and even a few lovers too
Thought you'd change that trend, But nah, I'm just screwed.
It's cool though, cause i got my bottle and my rifle now
Shit, if only i could just find those damned rounds.
It's a good thing she saved me with that stubborn little glance
Cause baby if she hadn't saved me, my blood would be on your hands.
She came inside and gave me a stern glance
She took that rifle and bottle out of my hands
Sat down next to me and I asked "where you been?"
Kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you, best friend."
And I'm singin now "I love you too, darling best friend!"
Never will I let another stupid girl get under my skin.
If you know anything about me, You know I spend a year in Iraq. I saw and experienced some terrible terrible stuff. After I got home, I was mentally mindfucked by a girl I loved, and it took five months to recover from that. I had just fallen in love with another, finally able to trust again, and she stabbed me in the heart a few hours ago. It was another Jessica all over again. I went home. I told my best friend I loved her and that I didn't have another reason to keep living in constant depression and pain. I got home, got down my assault rifle. I couldn't find where I had put my rounds though. I searched for a bit, and finally gave up and just grabbed a bottle of Jack and lie down on my bed tearing up on the inside. My best friend came to my house. She walked in the door, and did just like the song says. Truth is, I have problems. I need help. Serious help. I didn't know how bad it was til tonight. It seems trivial, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. And in all honesty, if I had been able to find the rounds... I'd have pulled that trigger.
I can't sleep tonight. My best friend, Miss Tiffany Lynn Oberlender, saved my life. She asked me what was something I loved to on my own time. I laughed and told her she's think it was stupid, but I loved to make 3d models for a 2d game. She told me to do it. So I'm doing it, but only after I wrote this. _________________ "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." -Adam Young QUICK_EDIT
Shit, that sounds terrible (and you know I'm not talking about the poem). I cannot offer you an explanation for why life treats us unequally. But don't take your life away, just don't. _________________ QUICK_EDIT
Im speechless about what Im reading here. I know life is tough and a lot of shit is being thrown at every single one of us. The thing life is all about is to not let that shit get to you, and turn it in something possible. It is very very hard sometimes but you always have a reason to live. If you're not happy with the way your life is going, then change it. Do the things that give you joy and pleasure. That is what life is all about. Don't kill yourself. _________________ Criticizing n00bs is like booing at the special olympics. QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 18 Jun 2005 Location: Dordrecht, the Netherlands
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 10:53 am Post subject:
daTS, whatever you do, don't take your own life. Yes, life can be hard, and some are more unlucky then others, but there are way too many good parts of life. QUICK_EDIT
ztype... my deepest sympathy :S But mind - it cant get worse. Though it would be worse, if you would kill yourself. IMO there just nothing after life. Your whole self will just vanish. You wont feel, think, you wont even notice anything. You will just stop existing. So, trust me, make something better out of your life. Enjoy it as long as you can.
But dont throw it away _________________
Think of me as Nordos, 'cause Banshee wouldn't rename me QUICK_EDIT
Oh Jesus, Ant. I'm really sorry of what happened.
Really, this is not the way to solve problems. Really, reading those bits I remembered that exactly one year ago I was in the same situation (except I had a knife) and...well. Wanted to write my testament, but I just couldn't. And stopped. Just don't leave yourself influenced too much by the garbage you've been thrown into. QUICK_EDIT
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2010 11:05 pm Post subject:
J I T
um....this is in the wrong place............but if i read your words correctly you were contemplating suicide......am i right? It isn't worth it. When I was younger I tried....but it wasn't till my last time, I realized life was worth living, despite all the misery. _________________ I am authorized to send out the TMP Studio, PM ME IF YOU WANT IT And check this out, these were sent to me for help with terrain and zdata help along with TMP Studio/Builder
Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Location: Teamblackistan Posts: Over 9000
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 3:22 am Post subject:
well with DaTS, there's a certain level of expectancy for everything that happens to him, to always be super-dramatic _________________ The Fall of Hammerfest - Epic Tiberian chain story
Tiberian Odyssey mapping department. Discord The Team Black Index QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Location: Tiberium Research Center N27
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:06 am Post subject:
FurryQueen wrote:
gb2/myspace
SaneDisruption wrote:
hah, faggot.
Best posts of 2010, right there.
As for ChickenHead, shit happens. Best thing to do is to wait it out, and either try to gain some enjoyment from small things, through contrast, or to hold through until you will be able to judge upon things, correctly. _________________ DUNK! QUICK_EDIT
well with DaTS, there's a certain level of expectancy for everything that happens to him, to always be super-dramatic
Maybe some take a heartbreak a little more seriously than others. Not to mention that DaTS has had multiple such drawbacks. - - -
Quote:
Pretty shitty posts on behalf of Sane and Fen, tbh. -respect
Yeah, I won't even bother replying on those. _________________ Last edited by Crimsonum on Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:26 am; edited 1 time in total QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 18 Feb 2005 Location: Star Kingdom of Manticore
Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:32 am Post subject:
Eh. I'm alive. Shit happens for a reason. Sane and Fen are just anti-emo, in their defense... I generally am too, then again, PTSD will do that to you.
Then again, you could always take into consideration the following 4 things:
1.) I watched one of my closest friends bleed to death next to me. He SAVED MY LIFE, and DIED because of it. It could have been avoided if I hadn't fired and given our exact location away. Try having THAT on your conscience.
2.) I was mentally MINDFUCKED by someone. It wasn't just "oh, it's over", it was a "hey, fuck you, fuck your mind, fuck everything. and you wont know about it because you wont have any closure."
3.) I wear my heart on my sleeve. I know it. You know it. Everybody fucking knows it. Because I have such a strong emotional foundation, shit gets to me really easily.
4.) It wasn't this single event that did it. It was a culmination of EVERYTHING over the past 18 months that all collapsed in on me.
Chances are, Sane and Fen just flat refuse to see a different perspective. They have one tracked minds. Always have. I don't blame 'em on it either. _________________ "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." -Adam Young QUICK_EDIT
Chances are, Sane and Fen just flat refuse to see a different perspective. They have one tracked minds. Always have. I don't blame 'em on it either.
Are you serious? Really? You're actually serious with this? I can't speak for Sane, but only myself. I've had the same GODDAMN THING happen to me and I didn't cry about it on a forum. Really, suck it up and move on like I did, ye drama queen. _________________ Discord: princess_marisa
Steam QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Location: Teamblackistan Posts: Over 9000
Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:51 pm Post subject:
Sane, you're better than this.. Don't join Fen's one man troll war against sanity.
DaTS is dramatic, that's who he is. At least when he has to vent, he finds a creative outlet;
he doesn't just find the closest person and harass them until you the whole forum is pissed at you, and you get banned... again.
TB, I think you're seeing reversed. Fen usually comes with something, whilst Sane is just a troll.
lol? You really can't say that when you're that short sighted. I just have to completely agree with both Fen and Sane. Suck it up, life sucks, you're not the only person in the world who has problems, and you make it seem like so. You don't post this kind of stupidly-personal crap on a gaming forum, it's either a blog site, or your ztyping self. And even when posting this on a social website, don't expect everyone to ztyping feel sorry for you like it's the end of your tiny little world, when they've gone or is going through bigger problems.
Like my friend told me when I had gone through shit, he told me that there are people out there in the big big big big ztyping world, that have bigger problems. Consider that hobo on the street that have no ztyping legs, or those parents that had their child turn into ztyping corned beef because of some ztyping freak accident, or at the very least, that person who can't get a ztyping job because of the lack of job openings.
F:WATucking Harsh Reality ChickenHead. F:WATucking Harsh Reality _________________ Please, I DON'T read the signature rules of the forum. QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Location: Teamblackistan Posts: Over 9000
Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:12 pm Post subject:
It's in the Media hut because it's a poem, it's a form of art. For a lot of people, poetry is a means to vent, and there are definitely worse ways to deal with it.
Do I think DaTS is overdramatic? yes. Even so I'm not going to go around turning this into a bash party to grow my trolling e-penis.
He's been in combat, killed people, been wounded and watched people die. That's something that I, or anyone here, including you useless complaining crap-headed fools could comprehend.
I'm not going to say feel sorry for DaTS or give him any kind of verbal praise, but you could at least show the decency to acknowledge and respect his position _________________ The Fall of Hammerfest - Epic Tiberian chain story
Tiberian Odyssey mapping department. Discord The Team Black Index QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 18 Feb 2005 Location: Star Kingdom of Manticore
Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 4:27 pm Post subject:
I love the controversy this has formed, but i'm really not looking for any sympathy from any of you. I recovered quickly from it. It was one of those "snap"moments we have in our life. I snapped, then immediately began the recovery process.
TB said it best. It's in the media hut because it's a poem. a form of art. I'm looking for critisism on that. I just posted the shit at the bottom to explain WHY i wrote it. _________________ "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." -Adam Young QUICK_EDIT
Also Known As: banshee_revora (Steam) Joined: 15 Aug 2002 Location: Brazil
Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:45 pm Post subject:
I'm a little bit late in this topic and I'm glad that Team Black is doing a good moderation job so far here.
Anyway, there is something I want to reply.
daTS wrote:
1.) I watched one of my closest friends bleed to death next to me. He SAVED MY LIFE, and DIED because of it. It could have been avoided if I hadn't fired and given our exact location away. Try having THAT on your conscience.
That really damn sucks man, but... try putting yourself into his place. Imagine that you died saving somebody else's life and that this person committed suicide because of this event. Wouldn't you be really ztyping uber pissed off? I mean, you loose your life (which is pratically everything that you have) to save someone's life and, in return, this someone discards your sacrifice. Doesn't that sucks? So, man... your friend gave you a new chance. Use it and enjoy it as long as you can. There are a lot of fun things to do... specially far from Iraq . QUICK_EDIT
Joined: 18 Feb 2005 Location: Star Kingdom of Manticore
Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:20 am Post subject:
Bansh... I never thought of it that way. I always viewed it as my fault...
Inspiration from the most unexpected of places. Thank you. _________________ "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there." -Adam Young QUICK_EDIT
You posted your problems, and at the moment your best choice would simply be to ignore the negative comments. You're looking for a little insight from someone? Stick to the positive remarks and suggestions.
I can tell you that Iraq and everything that happened to you... Sucks, quite terribly and is probably the worst thing that will ever happen to you. I'm not speaking from experience, rather, I'm speaking on behalf of my father (who served for roughly 21 years in the Army). He's been through some deep crap too, much of it similar to your own.
It won't ever leave you, and it's gonna haunt you. However, my father has taken that pain, and instead of keeping it bottled up and taking his anger out on anything, he uses it as a sort of inspiration. It's made him unique in a sense, and he's become something of a legend in my eyes. While he IS a normal human being (disregarding his PTSD), he's become quite the role model. It's hard to believe he's been through so much, yet he pushes on, and he never quits at anything. Even with a broken spine (broke two vertebrae in Airborne school, was misdiagnosed), he will work for days straight with little rest (he went to Iraq with that injury!).
I guess I'm just saying that he isn't perfect. However, I envy him. His troubles have made him a better person than I am, better than most people I know to put it blatantly.
My point is that you can pull it together, and while mending the broken pieces will take some time, you can say "I've been there, done that" in the end. And if you think about it, you can use that to your advantage in so many ways. _________________ Okay, my signature was starting to annoy even me. QUICK_EDIT
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Just In Time (poem/song)
Thank you.
