Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 6:04 am Post subject:
You're joshing, right?
Subject description: The tale of two mentally challenged soldiers.
You're joshing, right?
Chapter 1
The year is *dd/mm/yyyy* and the Brotherhood of Nod still hasn't killed GDI. And vice versa. And they haven't been able to get around to killing each other with CABAL being hommicidal and wanting world domination. Now, with CABAL in pieces, Slavik called up Cortez and is preparing to bitch to him about him being a mother of a prick and the like...
Slavik: Yea, so you suck, and uhh... yea, we're gonna get like 12 Devil's Tounges in there and burn your ass back to... yea...
Cortez: LOL, like I'm scared, you've got nothing left and your army is like, crap now. So yea, you fail.
Slavik: LMAO, you're such a dumshit... Obviously you haven't seen what we've been doing in Cairo recently. So if you'd just look to your left...
Cortez: Oh ok... *looks to left*
Slavik: *Buggers off to get a coke and a smoke*
Cortez: ...Well I don't see any... HEY! Where the f*** did ya go!?
Slavik: *lol's quietly in the corner, taking a sip of his coke*
Cortez: Hey, docter chick! GTFOver here!
Dr. Boudreau: I have a name, dipwad.
Cortez: Shuddup b i a t c h and gimme some sugar.
Dr. Boudreau: *slaps Cortez's face*
Cortez: Oooo... fiesty are we?
Dr. Boudreau: Look, why did you call me over here??
Cortez: Oh yea, that... Yknow, I can't remember. But maybe if ya...
Dr. Boudreau: NO!
Cortez: But..
Dr. Boudreau: NO!!!
Cortez: But..
Dr. Boudreau: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cortez: Fine... (b i a t c h)
Dr. Boudreau: (dick)
================================================
Meanwhile, in some Nod base with a bunch of Cyborgs...
Jason: So I'm like, yea, and she's like, YEA, so then we both start going YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA
Bob: Dude, I'm fine with you doing your laundry with my sister, just don't tell me bout it.
*Cyborg Commando walks in*
CC: Stand Clear!
Bob: Hey, watch where you point that thing buddy!
CC:... Directive?
Jason: You're not making sence.
CC: ...... For the Brotherhood!
Bob: Lol, they cyborg's broken.
CC: ......... Executing. *aims gun at Bob*
Bob: Oh $#!+ Son!!!!
*Bob's torso is flung across to the other side of the base*
CC: Terminated.
Jason: You sick SON OF A B****!!! You killed Bob!!! Why Bob, WHY! I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE NOW!! *sobs quietly on what remains of Bob*
CC: Really?
Jason: *nods head*
CC: Cool. *charges cannon*
Jason: NOOOO!!!
*Jason's torso is flung across to the other side of the base, conveniently landing right beside Bob and the only Medic in the base*
CC: ... God I love being a cyborg. XD
Meanwhile, on the other side of the base...
Medic: Whoah, these chineese cookies really work! *reads chineese cookie again*
"You will find happiness with a new love, and you'll find two human torso's lying next to you when you wake up."
Chapter 1 End
Chapter 2... Later. _________________ Ex Cliffie-detector and continued general annoyance. QUICK_EDIT
Yea, I don't usually show my crasy side, but it was 6:04pm and my CD Drive was buggering up due to over usage. _________________ Ex Cliffie-detector and continued general annoyance. QUICK_EDIT
Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 7:33 am Post subject:
Chapter 2
You're joshing, right?
Chapter 2
When we last left you, General Slavik bitched with General Cortez. Also, Jason and Bob got decapitated by a Cyborg Commando and their torso's conveniently landed next to the only Medic in the base. And also, It was 6:04pm and bout 5 seconds ago I did this: XD
Aren't I creative?
... Oh yes, the story. *ahem*
===============================================
Meanwhilst, Slavik is lol'ing while taking a drag on his cigarette in the corner of the Montauk...
Cortez: Slavik? You still there? Hey... Cmooonn... "You have just sent a nudge to Slavik." *annoying ringing sound*
Slavik says: "Slavik has joined the conversation."
Cortez says: Hey, so you are there!
Slavik says: Omfg... you made me swallow my cigarettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt *chokes*
Cortez says: Hey, look at the funny pic I drew while you were gone!
Cortez says:
Cortez says: It's gonna be my new cameo for my Mod!!1!
Slavik: *cough* ...Ugh.. God help... me... *chokes some more*
Cortez says: I've got it all coded and stuff, here, Lookie!
Cortez says:
; General Cortez (lol)
[GENCOR]
Name=General Cortez
Prerequisite=GAWEAP,GATECH
Primary=UberIonCannonOfMightyPwnage
Secondary=GiantSword!
Strength=10000000000000
Category=AFV
Armor=megaheavy
TechLevel=1 ; XD
Sight=200 ; I have good vision. =D
Speed=20
Owner=GDI
AllowedToStartInMultiplayer=allways
Cost=10000000 ; I'm worth aloooot lol
Trainable=yes
SelfHealing=yes
Points=25
ROT=3
Crusher=yes
Explosion=TWLT070,S_BANG48,S_BRNL58,S_CLSN58,S_TUMU60
VoiceSelect=25-I000,25-I002,25-I004,25-I006
VoiceMove=25-I012,25-I014,25-I016,25-I018,25-I022
VoiceAttack=25-I014,25-I022,25-I024,25-I026
VoiceFeedback=Wheres-me-icecream
MaxDebris=6
Locomotor={55D141B8-DB94-11d1-AC98-006008055BB5}
MovementZone=Destroyer
ThreatPosed=80 ; This value MUST be 0 for all building addons (not in my mod it aint )
DamageParticleSystems=SparkSys,SmallGreySSys
DamageSmokeOffset=300, 300, 425
TiltsWhenCrushes=maybe
BuildLimit=1 ; Theres only one of me, cause I'm special
Weight=1.0 ; I work out alooot, yea *admires muscles*
Accelerates=onlywhenthenosison
ZFudgeColumn=12
ZFudgeTunnel=15
ZFudgeBridge=25
Slavik says: UGH. *removes cigarette from throat*
Cortez says: You allright? :S
Slavik says: Ya know what, I was gonna just blow up a couple of tech centers, but now I think I'll just kill you.
Cortez says: Oh... shit...
Slavik says: "Slavik has left the conversation."
Cortez: *exits MSN* ... Hey! Brainy chick! Get all them gaint two legged thingys with cannons and send em to kill Slavik!
Dr. Boudreu: You mean Titans?
Cortez: Yea, those thingys.
Dr. Boudreu: I am married to a moron... *sigh* If anyone wants me I'll be deciphering the Tacitus...
===============================================
Meanwhile, In a GDI Base not even remotely close to where General Cortez is...
Phillip: So, have you heard?
Barney: *snores* ...Huh wh what?
Phillip: Well, have you heard?
Barney: ...Heard what?
"KELKIPAR!"
Barney: WTF WAS THAT! FFS AH MY EARS!! YOU SON OF A BI ATCH!!
Phillip: *rolling on floor laughing his f***ing ass off*
Barney: ... Dude, you're soo frikken dry..
Phillip: Hold on, hold on, I'm still not finished... *rofl's some more* *sigh*
Barney: Righttt... Anyway... *looks at time* Holy shit! We were ment to be at the war factory 20 minutes ago!! General Jumanji will be apeshit for months!!!
*General Jumanji enters room*
Phillip: Relax, you worry too much. Jumanji can suck my glutes!
General Jumanji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWTFAREYOUDOING!
Phillip: Umm... I can explain.
General Jumanji: then you will exPLAINRIGHTNOWORIWILLKILLYOUWITHMYHAMMERANDMYHAMMERWILLOWNYOURASSANDIWILLROFLLIKEASONOFABITCH!
Phillip: Allright! Allright! *takes deep breath* I was going to go to wake up Barney but Barney was sleeping like a rock and I had remembered that yesterday I recorded the only recorded sound of a tiberium fiend laughing so I decided to play it for him when he woke up but I left the recording at the radar so I had to run there and get the recording and then I realized I was 20 minutes late for the training exercise so I wasn't able to rewind it to the funny part when the tiberium fiend snorts at the same time as laughing so I had to play it where it was then Barney was mocking you so I decided to mimic him and show him how he sounds then you walked in which brings us to now. *breathes heavily*
General Jumanji: ... Very well, you may continue. *walks out*
Barney: Wow... How the f*** do you do that?
Philip: The blind one allways knows where the cheese is.
Barney: What??
Phillip: I, don't, know...
===============================================
Meanwhile, back at the Nod Base with the cyborgs...
Medic: *whew* Well, that was a grueling 10 hours, but I think I reattached everything.
Jason: Uhh... Why's my arm attached to his OMG, WTF IS MY ARM DOING ON HIS ASS!?!?
Medic: Yeaaa... about that...
Jason: WELL!?
Medic: Yea, tons of blood was like, gushing out of there, and I kinda lost all the bandages in a poker game, so I attached your arm to his butt so he wouldn't die... Yea...
Jason: I WILL F***ING KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T REMOVE MY APENDAGE FROM HIS ASS!
Medic: Allright! Allright! I'll win back the bandages and fix all of this!
Bob: Hey, while we're like this, how's about..
Jason: DON'T, EVEN, SAY IT. FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUR MANHOOD, DON'T SAY IT.
Bob: I was just gonna say we should go down to the Hand of Nod and scare the shit outta the new recruits.
Jason: ... Bob, your a genius.
*both start walking off to Hand of Nod*
Bob: What were you thinking I wanted to do?
Jason: Yknow what, stfu and stop spoiling your moment.
Bob: Yes sir...
===============================================
Somewhere in a Mutant base, some mutants are being tiberium mutated and bitchy. Or, in other words, being themselves...
Lupin: ... Stop poking the fiend... You're asking to die aren't you?
Salaid: Maybe. *pokes tiberium fiend with a stick*
Fiend: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Lupin: Ugh, I've given up trying to save you from certain danger. I'm gonna go get a smoke...
Salaid: But if you leave, then the amazing and exciting tales of Salaid and Friend will never be complete!
Lupin: WE ARE NOT IN A F***ING CARTOON! WE ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IN A RETARDED TEXT DOCUMENT MADE BY A PISS POOR MAPPER WHO CAN'T MAP FOR SHIT EVEN IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!
Wiziwig: Suddenly, Lupin is shot by a stray bullet by an masked unknown assassin, (uhh, lets call him Chad.) and is now dying. However, I (Wiziwig) am willing to let him live by suddenly being rescued by a randomly appearing tiberium patch if he apologizes and stops criticizing my mapping abilities.
Lupin: *bleeding* Ugh!... Fine, but I can still do whatever the hell I want.
Wiziwig: *sigh* Yes, I suppose...
Lupin: Fine, I'm sorry...
Wiziwig: Annnnd?
Lupin: *bleeding heavily* FFS, AND I WON'T CRITICISE YOUR MAPPING ABILITIES EITHER.
Wiziwig: Good Boy. *tiberium patch suddenly appears underneath Lupin*
Salaid: Hey! Wiziwig! You're in the amazing and exciting tales of Salaid and Friends aswell!? Cool! You can be the newly recruited private who allways finds his way into trouble! I'll have to rename the show to the amazing and exciting tales of Salaid and Friends...
Salaid: But of course that'll be no problem. OH! I TOTALLY FORGOT! We'll need to call up Marvel and tell em that you're in the cartoon now so that we can get you in the new comics that are coming out. Have you read episode 24 of the amazing and exciting tales of Salaid and Friend yet? OMG, it's so friggen cool, I pull this uber ninja move on this guy and he totally gets owned and stuff but the really interesting thing about that episode is...
Wiziwig: Holy crap, I never knew how annoying that guy is...
Suddenly, Salaid's stick pokes the tiberium fiend in the eye, irritating it beyond the point of being stopped. It suddenly rips Salaid to shreds past recognition. Then the tiberium fiend disappears as suddenly as it attacked.
Lupin: ... You are my savior.
Wiziwig: No Problemo.
Chapter two end _________________ Ex Cliffie-detector and continued general annoyance. QUICK_EDIT
This is just dumb. I'm almost out of highshool and "normal" prople sound the same as those airhead-Preps in my school. Need an example? OK!
"So I'm like, yea, and she's like, YEA, so then we both start going YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA " _________________ Peace through power, Power through untiy, Unity through the Brotherhood, The Brotherhood of Nod QUICK_EDIT
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You're joshing, right?
Obviously you haven't seen what we've been doing in Cairo recently. So if you'd just look to your left...
......... Executing. *aims gun at Bob*
